


Life As A Human (castiel)

by AnnaWinchester



Series: Life As A Human [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-31
Updated: 2013-05-02
Packaged: 2017-12-07 01:34:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/742628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnaWinchester/pseuds/AnnaWinchester
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a short time Cas has been fallen, he founds out his older sister is still alive, and has been fallen for so long, just as he is now. He doesn't know how good this could be, because being mortal and fragile sucks, but there's still Dean.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Found

I picked up myself, got up and started walking, trying to find out in which of those motel rooms the winchester were, long away from where i was standing, i saw it, shinning and black as always, the impala, the winchester should be there too, i started moving myself, but something weird was on me, inside of me, i felt an emptiness on my stomach, probably hunger, now i could feel that kind of needs. I finally was in front of the door 60, and i knocked once, but noting happened, then i did it again, little harder, and dean came up all surprised to see me there.

-why did it take you so long to come here?¡, do you think i would be calling you if were not as important as it was?¡...damn it cas¡, what's wrong with you?-

i looked down at my hands, feeling the sticky thing i got from sitting on the dirty backseat in that truck, i was so proud to tell dean and sam i was finally free, all human, but of course i´ve miss something in my way down.

-will you answer? or you're too busy in your hands?....cas?...CAS¡ damn it¡....are you ok?...-dean shout out loud.

-is it too late?...-i looked up to found dean's eyes, stuck in mine, all confused, maybe he could feel it...i was out of angel mojo.

-yes¡-

-no-

both, dean and sam said at the same time, i took a deep breath and got surprised by a sound coming out from my ribs, or my stomach, somewhere in the middle of my guts, i took a little step back and look up, just to found sam looking at me serious, and dean, still confused, but now kinda pissed,he had that frown brow,though i couldn't know why.

-what?- i asked to dean.

-what was that?-

-i think he's hungry dean-sam say gently and smiling at me

-no, angels don't eat, right cas?-dean was so serious, maybe too serious, as when he did found out i did lost my mojo because of eve.

-you're right dean-he looked so pissed off,i was afraid he got mad at me when figuring out i'm not an angel, no anymore, and never will be again.

-are you sure cas?-sam asked gently and saw dean taking a knife, was he going to hurt me?

-y-yes sam, but i'm getting my powers down, i'm the last angel in earth, the last thing i want to do is call for attention, don't you think dean?...-dean put the knife back, and smiled in relieve.

all the day was good, but i was starving, and i was so tired, how were i even trying to cheat on dean, or even sam, they will know i'm not an angel anymore if i fall sleep, or if drink water, or if eat a little of that burger, damn¡ that burger looks delicious¡¡....i must go out, go away from them, but where?....

-cas, now that you'r a "human" or at least an imitation of one of us, why don't you book a room, it's weird that we're 3 in a room with 2 beds- dean extended a credit car to my hand, and i took it, "you have enough to move cas, now you have money, or at least this" i repeated to myself while i was leaving the room.

i was ready to go there, take a nap, eat something, and get ready to meet them the next morning.

-Cas¡¡...damn it cas¡, open the door¡¡, we have no time¡....-i heard dean like if he were far away from me, but i realized he was behind the door, i was just waking up, and the food trash was still in the table.

-cas?¡...we'r going in¡-the door was open while the sound of dean's voice was still in my ears, and they came in, looking at the mess, and looking at me.

-what happened here cas?-

-you'r eating?...you'r not an angel anymore?-

-nah....of course i'm an angel- i did try to get a fake smile as dean used to make when something was going really bad, and then i realized, he already knew, i can't hide anything from them...

-why you didn't say a thing?¡ are you crazy cas?¡ what's wrong with you?-

-i'm sorry dean, i was just...-

-so now you'r human how that happened?¡-sam asked curious

-they just kicked his ass out of haven, right cas, was it for closing home?...The latest tantrum from heaven?-

i watched at them both, and just said yes, then dean was pissed, but not to me anymore, and that was good, this has to be good, i though.

we were hunting by first time, dean teached me quick some of the weapons i didn't had been needing to use before, and everything was good, dean was all the time checking if i filled well the cartridges, and touched me time to time, i can feel his touch more physical, i can feel the heat of his hand over my shoulder, and the not so soft texture of his hands as he take the guns away in the opposite direction from me...

-Hell cas¡ you´ll blow your head by yourself one day, remember this, and look at me, now, your more dangerous then before, you don't have your fluffy wings to protect you man, be careful¡...-

we killed couple of vampires, one of them bite me a little on my arm, the pain was horrible, not as getting an angel blade in the stomach of my vessel but still bad, i did took of the trench coat by first time as human,feeling the warm go away while dean started cleaning my wound, he was terrified but i didn't get why.

-will you tell me what exactly happen?, and why are you so terrible at hunting?...-

sam smiled and gave me a drink, before of throwing away the coat.

-what are you doing with the coat?-

-we will find you a jacket cas, it's all in blood and ripped...-dean said as he finished the patch on my arm, i did get up immediately and went for my coat, i saw what dean did with my ripped skin,so he could fix my coat too... i extended it to him, and he looked back at me not understanding

-i think he want you to fix it dean-sam laughed hard and i just didn't understand why was this so funny, dean took my coat -

-ok, but you're going to tell me what the hell are you thinking right now, and what the hell happened to you to lose your power...-

i did take seat over the edge of the bed, and i feel an oppressive sensation over my throat , growing and making me feel a new kind of pain and desperation at the time that i remember my sister...

-cas?...are you-are you crying?¡-dean asked so concerned...

-me?...i think...so...is this...sadness?...-

-ho my god¡, why you couldn't be a cold blood fallen angel?...-dean said, and looked away trowing the coat away...

-dean, he's a human now, he...feels¡...-

-ok, ok, o-fing-k, can at least know why are you crying?¡, and please don't say it's for the stupid coat, coz' i swear i'll burn it¡-

-ho, no, i like it, but i have no feeling for it, is an object, just that...-

-what then cas...-i can perceive a more botherly tone in sam voice, way different of dean's...

-cas?, the hell were you crying for?¡-

-i'm the last angel dean....in earth...-

-yeah, well, no more baby, you're a human now, just a miserable man, just like sam and like me.-

-yes, you'r right dean-i did looked down to my shoes, all dirt and can't believe this things hurted so bad my feet, so distracting trying to kill something....

-cas...hey¡ here¡-dean passed his hand in front of my face...

-i mean, i know what happend with everyone, all of my brothers and sisters, but...not ariel-i murmured for me, the example to me, the "how i wanted to be" , but if she was not in heaven when i leave, probably raphael killed her long ago...

-cas, who's ariel?.-

-sam...-dean said it making him to get quite...

-my sister-i put my face up, looking at dean, and sam

-an angel too?...well, probably she's in heaven, don't you think?-dean tried to calm me down, but was worthless...

-no dean, you don't understand, she was...as you say, "raphael's right hand" so...i think he killed her...

-but why?, why would raphael kill his "right hand"?-

-sam, she was my sister, she loved me, as much as i loved her...love her...-

-so you think, cas, that she was death by raphael just because she loves you?...-and on, that wasn't long ago?-

-yes dean, but still is about my sister¡, and no, of course he wouldn't kill anyone just because a feeling, but yes if she revealed, and i'm sure she did...therefore she's already dead...

-or not...-

-sam?...what are you talking about?...

as soon as sam put this idea into words, and dean gets tired of my begs we get into the car and star driving, to the middle of the woods, to the city, everywhere, but there was no way to found an angel, we did tried praying, but nothing worked at all....

-i'm sorry cas, i really am, but has been 2 weeks, we need to get back hunting, there's people in danger...but, you can still choose to stay, and keep searching...-

-no dean, if she's here...she's clearly avoiding me...

After those days out of hunting, we found out 3 families dead just couple of miles behind us because a werewolf, i was feeling so guilty, and i felt i disapointed dean, he was serious all the time, not talking to me, and just lost in thoughts, away from me.

-i'm sorry dean-

-shhh...

-i'm really sorry, those lifes are on my back now, i can't sleep, is all my fault...

-shut the heck up cas¡, we'r hunting¡¡...dean said while we were squatting behind huge trees following the monster's footprints.

-but i'm really sorry...-

-cas, dean¡¡¡- sam shoot the beast but i was near, so before hitting the ground the werewolf hurt my shoulder so bad, i was bleeding so much, and hurting as nothing before...

-you ok?, yes you'll be...c'mon cas¡ let's go...-

dean and sam carried me to the car and start cheking how bad it was, so deep, sam was not able to fix me this time, neither dean...

-we'r going to the hospital cas, you'll be fine, just relax, ok?¡....-dean said all nervous almost shaking pressing his fists on the steering wheel, as soon as i was in a stretcher in the emergency room, a beautiful lady came to me, start ripping out my shirt and cleaning all the blood, she noticed i was nervous, so she smiled to me, and hold my hand, to after watch over dean...

-you'll be fine, you also have a bruise in the face, what kind of accident did you have?¡...what's your name?-the girl of dark hair and blue eyes looked at me, and sat on a stool near my shoulder starting to patch it up...

-i'm castiel...-the girl dropped all the instruments and took a step back looking into my eyes....

-you...castiel?...you...

-woha¡...what's happening here?...-dean asked as the girl hugged me tight and smile at me while crying....

-are you ok?, you alive¡...i can't belive it, i tough you were...you were dead...

-i'm alive...i'm here, but...who are you?...the girl smiled to me, sat back in her place and finished to heal my shoulder

-you can't really see who i am?...can you?...

-i thought you said you were never having a girlfriend cas...-dean asked almost demanding an answer immediately.The girl took my hand between her owns and smile big...

-i'm ariel, i'm ariel little brother...-

-ariel?, unbelievable, but hwat, what did happen?...

-and you...don't worry handsome, he's all yours, i know your story...-

-she winked at me?, she did?, what kind of sister are you?...cas?¡...-

-know what brother, we gotta go out of here, at least that you have a name, and ID, something?...-i shook my head and she pull me by the arm, taking dean's hand and going out through the door of the ambulances, dean called sam out, and we went to a little white apartment, ariel looked at me all the time while serving tea to me and some analgesics pills...

-ok, enough with the family reunion, i nee to sleep, will you be fine here cas?...-dean asked going back to the motel...

-so...they're the winchester, why never mentioned they were handsome?....

-ariel, how, how you....-

-how did i escaped from raphael?...easy, i fell, was the only way, he never found me, and guess what, i'm good here doing the same i used to do there up...i'm helping people cas¡¡

-but...how it is?, you look so happy...how?...

-how is what?...how long did you fell?...

-not so long ago...-i did watched her wrist couple of scars...-what's that?...

-i did tried to call you, not praying, you know, but apparently nothing worked...but you'r here¡¡¡ away from home, but still here¡...how's it going so far?...apart of the shoulder of course...

-well, i've been in pain with the shoes, hot with the clothes, i've been starving, because i don't know when is good time to eat, i don't know how much i have to sleep, because if were not because dean wakes me up, i would sleep 12hrs straight....pretty annoying i would say.

-haha poor little castiel, i'm so sorry you have to go through this...-she looked at me as the first time that little creature on my charge  
was dying in front of me...

-but you'll be fine, i can see it, you have those 2, you still have dean...-

-what?...-

-will you tell me you didn't fell for him?-

-no...well...if i did it, what does it means?....-

-Love...what else little brother?...-

-like for humans...right?...-

-tell me you castiel, does you love dean as you love sam?-

i was never taking the time for thinkign on this, never considered that, i did sacrifice everything for them both, but more, even more for dean...he was special, and yes, there was something different in the way i feel for dean, more more noticeable now.

-so i love him?...like...-

-i don't know castiel, i've been seeing that kind of love in the eyes of other humans, but i had never experience that in me, or for other creature, is different, you know it...-

-how?-

-you need him, doesn't matter what, right?, and you remember every little detail of his face...of his essence, don't you?...-

-how do you know?-

-do you think i didn't had an eye over you all the time?, at least 'till i fell...-

-and what i do?...-

-i don't know cas, i think we have no guide here, you'll have to go by your own...but i'll be here my brother, i'll never leave you alone, not again...-

-i'm sorry that you had to fell for me, because if i...-she put couple of finger over my lips, and made me stop...

-it's ok, this life is beautiful, is like a movie we always loved, and now we can live it castiel, so go on, and get whatever you want.-

i did take my coat and went back to the motel, i sat down in the little table and dean was already sleeping, so was sam, they were so in peace, and i looked over their faces, i could remember the exact number of freckles in dean's face, and i was capable of know inmediatly if did lose any of his lashes, not now, not that clearly, but was easy to recognize detaisl of dean, that i would never notice about sam, was my sister right?, if so, what if this is wrong?, what will dean think, what if just gets up and punch me in the face, what if he...what if he doesn't love me back?.


	2. Life As A Human (ariel)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After catching up with hunting, dean feels cas is more dangerous to themself that the mosters, ariel "babysit" her brother, and sam start learning something else about this new fallen angel.

Dean has been calling all the morning, i was at the hospital working and as soon as i get out i went to see them, maybe something had happened to my brother.

-why don't you answer your phone?- 

-excuse me dean, who the hell do you think i am?...where's castiel?-dean was all prepotent and rude, better this was something important, my brother was his friend, he was with them, not me, and grace or not i still could kick his ass without a drop of sweat...

-here...why?, what happened?-cas came out f the bathroom, all clean, wet hair and still that old trench coat

-Come here buddy¡...how do you left your hair wet?, are you an animal or something?-i took the towel from his hand and make him sat down and started drying it, while sam and dean looked at us...

-i'm sorry but, why did you ignore our calls? is not that cas were dying but...-i was watching my brother's vessel, was so sweet, those big blue eyes, and that tender expression in his face, was a good man, and now castiel, would be, i rub softly his cheek and smile at him, he smiled back and i saw a drop of blood falling from behind of his ear...

-castiel¡ what is this?¡-

-not big deal, just something tried to eat him...- dean said nonchalantly

-not big deal?¡ are you crazy?¡ , and you¡ castiel¡ do you think is the same now? you'r fragile now, you'r a man now¡ not just a wayward baby angel¡ ...-i did take off my jacket so i could clean castiel's wound

\- that's why we were calling you...-i was all pissed and worried in that moment that i didn't notice sam staring at me, analyzing me...

-is not that bad, did you clean that castiel?...-

-dean did it, but i'm fine, i'm just more slow then before, and weak, and....and mortal-

-well, we still have to kill that wendigo, if you need something...call- cas got up immediately and tried to follow the winchesters...

-where do you think you'r going cas?-

-with you dean, to kill that monster...-

-are you sure you'r ready to this castiel?-castiel looked at me, after of seen dean going into the impala, meanwhile sam was waiting, he closed the door of the car and went back inside his very own motel room...

-i'll be here, better you be back in one piece...- i saw the car disappear in the distance and i went with castiel, he was sitting in the edge of the bed, looking at his hands and the expression of his face would say he was worried , but i don't remember anything of my brother, not like this, no blue eyes, no coat, nothing...

-you'll be fine, you'll be capable of kill any type of monster in a short time, but you have to know your limits, and is too soon...- i ran my fingers in his hair and rubbed his cheek, he looked back at me, staring into my eyes, all broken, worried, tired already, it broke my heart, he ,as an angel was so young, so innocent, and now he has to suffer of this? "humanity"? with all what that implies to be the most beautiful but weak creation of our father, sometimes i think lucifer was not that "bad" as everyone thinks, like right now watching those wet blue eyes...

-i feel myself impotent, sister, what can i do?, how can i protect them now? i'm useles¡¡...and he's in danger, because of me..., that's why i'm better apart...-

-no, you'r not useless, just you'r not an angel anymore, and why do you say you'r better apart? what did happened in the woods?...-

After a deep sigh Castiel started explaining. -we were close, and i saw the wendigo eating something, i went slow, trying not to make a damn noise, but dean saw me and tried to distract the monster, this attacked him and i tried to help , i forgot by one second i'm weaker that i never been, and with the monester still over we both, sam had no choice but shot, if he had failed we could've got dean killed, or the wendigo could have killed him, all because me, and my stupidity...- desperation, that was in his voice, shaking and scraping in his throat...-

-but nothing happened right?, so clean that face and better try to be more careful, you'r still that brave being, you'll be an exellent hunter, you are, just... is hard to inhabit this body as yours and not just as a vessel, this is not claustrophobic anymore, uhu?...- he calmed down a little and started asking questions, as many as he could formulate in the shorter time possible as long long time ago...

-if we die as human, we will be back at heaven or...we just disappear?..-

-i don't know castiel

-and if we are humans now, do we have a soul?...if not this is just a vessel with the memory of an angel, are we just that?...

-castiel, i don't think dad would let us fall and never lift us up...

-was as hard for you as it is for me?...

-i didn't knew anything about you in a long time castiel, of course was hard, i heard of the death of all of our brothers, and then you, and again, and again, but you'r here, now everything's fine, you survived...

-you were stronger then me, are you still stronger? is easy to forget you can get injured with almost everything?-

-i'm ...everything will be fine castiel, don't worry...-the winchester came back with food and couple of bruises and scrapes, dean was crying over an injury in his cheek, and castiel all worry helped him, but then, there was sam, all serious, distant just looking the asshole of his brother and the fallen angel, a little smile crossed his face, and he moved his hair from the forehead...

-i'll take this...-i took the 1st aid kit from castiel's hands and went right back to sam, pulled him to one chair and i could see his brow open and still bleeding. \- let's fix this...what happened?...

-we were running down a walking bridge, and well...apparently i'm too tall...-

-where was your brother?...-

-i was right there¡¡, trying to kill the stupid monster behind us¡, who the hell do you think you are?¡...of course you were the best role model to your brother, i did forget that...bitch¡-

-i did pressed the iron box in my hand and went out while dean was in the impala i was so pissed, that i had cut my hand and didn't even noticed...-all of this for him, for that guy castiel?...-

i felt a hand over my shoulder, and then the fresh pain of the alcohol in my hand...

-you hurt yourself...-

i keep the silence and looked back at dean, still there...

-does it hurts?-sam asked gently, pressing softly over the cut, but i didn't answered again...

-does it hurts?- sam asked again, just before of pressing hard the cut, making me groan and push him away...

-what's wrong with you?¡...-

-i thought you were...-the tall man looked down at the ground and then again at me, smiling- never mind

-what?, you tough i was not human?, a monster? something else you can hunt?...i'm sorry i'm just castiel's sister...and i'm human-

-yes...but, will you tell me about the marks in your back or...-

-what?...-i was worried by a moment, but what coulda human like him know about me, even if is a winchester who we'r talking about...

-you have huge scars in your back, i did see them when you were cheking cas wound...-

-you think you know it all right?...-

-and the marks in your arms?....in the back of your neck?...what's all that? does castiel knows about this?...-

so that's how baltazar felt, that's how all of my brothers died for these brothers? they found it, and then what?...i had 2 options, talk with castiel, or tell the truth to sam...


	3. Life As A Human (sam)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sam realized what's ariel hidding of her little brother, and how different she is from other angels(at least if they had known her before of fallen), castiel start acting weird, and dean is very pissed almost all the time because of that.

-i have to say i don't understand, your brothers hurting you? why? how?-i could see the sadness in her eyes, she was broken but still a little smile showed when she saw castiel going to talk with dean, still in the impala.

-because of him...i was not ready to let him alone, he's so young, i mean, i know he's a grown man for your eyes, but, for mine, he's just a little boy, if i could describe him, in you'r terms,for me, he's just a baby in an oversized trenchcoat, with a huge game in his little hands, this was just too much for him, this still is...

-i get it, but, i'm sorry...how that has to make with the fact that you've been hurt... and the scars? isn't suposed you, the angels, can't be...i mean...how?

-is not that complex sam, castiel is younger then me, but that doesn't mean i'm old enough to fight against my brothers, and raphael took advantage from that, he did stole my grace, so he could hurt me, i didn't fell voluntarily, in a way that you understand it, he push me over the edge, all hurted, i didn't hide, raphael let me alive to see how he would take command...

-sorry, but that doesn't sound that bad to not tell this to castiel...

-really?, he has his own hardship to live...and i'm happy for him...

-what's the problem with dean?-she turn her back to me, and start walking to the impala...

-do you think i'll spend my time talking with you?, i have not enough time...

-what do you mean?...ariel...

dean left the car all shocked, "as if he had seen a ghost" but cas seat was just looking at the empty seat of the driver.

-dean what happened?-dean shook his head in denial and returned to the room- ...cas? ... what happened?

-just asked a question ...-the man / Angel watched his coat and a leash tangled in his fingers, while his sister approached the open door and touched his shoulder in comfort

\- it's ok catiel

\- "You have a strange concept of friendship," he said "you have to learn man" he said, and now he's mad at me ...

the ariel huge blue eyes looked at me, interpreted asking me to do something, but what? ... did not even know what had happened to those two, dean opened the door without even looking at us groaned before heading to castiel .. .

\- And keep yourself away cas, do not make me punch you in the face-

-'ll go to talk to him- said, determined and angry ariel  
-he is very angry, don't you think? ...-she ignored me and went on his way, while I stayed with castiel, was acting strange, more than usual, and I had to ask, after all we had not known, for a long time, more than castiel no other angel, anna had proven to be a hoax with that of being "good" and the others, well, the others were gone.  
-cas, i need to know, why is ariel so special? ...  
-is my sister sam-  
-that never prevented you to hurt the others or ... kill them-  
-all of them were wrong, ariel never has been-  
-What do you mean? -  
-ariel is pure, as good as anyother soul or existing creature, or at least that was when she still had her grace, there was no way to corrupt her, knew her job and no matter who was the man in charge she never hesitated, never has, not even today, even fallen ... -  
-and ... why is that dean is so angry, what did you ask? -  
-if I could be closer, more time, not just while we hunt ... -  
-uhu .... well ... -

castiel looked at me waiting for a reaction similar to that of dean, I supposed, but could only stay silent, trying to imagine the way dean understood it, is that he heard only what he wanted, as if I didn't know my brother ...

-castiel, i know my brother enough to tell you everything will be fine, and you know it too...just, give him the space he needs...and the time-

-i comprehend... what were you talking with my sister?...-

-her life, before falling...-

-she was fantastic, i wish i could had the chance of be the half as good as she was at her job...-

a lazy smile appeared on cas's face.


	4. Life As A Human (dean)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ariel try to fix the things between the hunter and her brother, while she and sam has no other option, but be the witness of something that thought would never happen.

The annoying fallen angel get into my room, i was still confused by cas, and now, i have to listen this girl?...

-what you want?- ariel closed the door behind her back and rested a little while there.

-did my brother offended you?, or hurted you?-

-what are you talking about?...-

-or did he scared you?...maybe was not what he said but what you understood, about yourself, right?...-

-seriously,what the hell are you talking about?- that beautiful girl, she was way too young, maybe 17, 18?...how did she took that vessel?, and why did she looked a little like cas...or like jimmy...

-i know my brother, since he was made by my father, since he started getting his powers, his wings, his... everything you never had the chance to know about him, and it's ok to be scared, but just because you can't remember, doesn't mean you don't know him...-

-i know castiel, maybe not that good as you, maybe not that long, because, well excuse me, but i'm just a freaking human¡...but what has this to do with what cas said?...- the girl in front of me, smiled, and deny with a movement of her head, she sat down by my side and i got more confused, she turned herself in a different person, all sweet and gentle...

-do you remember when you were a little boy, when you had that imaginary friend?...and you'r dad put salt around your bed, and never slept, and then you stopped mentioning that "imaginary friend" because you'r dad was looking tired...-

-how do you know that?¡-

-you'r mother used to tell you "angels are...-

-"angels are watching over you"...you?¡...you were watching over me?...but...-

-no i was not watching over you, i was watching over my little brother, sometimes was me, sometimes gabriel, sometimes balthazar, even when cas could do it alone, he did it at the end....anyway¡...you remember that, right?...

-by couple of seconds she had taken the cold tone again, but she calm down and talk with soft tone again-and so?...

-that was castiel, always was him...the little "subconscious voice" when you were going in a hunt and you had to go back, just to check if you parked the car well, or turning to the left when the path is clearly to the right?, going back to the last town, stupid decisions with no explaination...that was castiel, trying to keep you safe...

-no way....why did he never showed up before?...-

-and make it easier for you?...darling, you said it, you'r just a human being...doesn't matter how much my brother appreciate you...

i was trying to assimilate the idea of cas in my life all this time, but was more than impossible, almost unbelievable, more when i could remember everything about that "invisible friend" i used to have.

-tell me something dean, what's the last thing you remember from hell?...-i started thinking, and the pain, the things i did, but then, that huge blinding light, and...that shape, in the light...i watched to her face, and she was smiling...-do you remember now?...so tell me dean, is that what you remember?...what you see there out is just a vessel, is not his true form; well now it is, but you know what i mean, would you think the same if he were in my vessel, or any female vessel?...dean, castiel is there, just behind those blue eyes and that deep voice, nothing changed...

Ariel went out, and while the door was getting closed behind her, i could see castiel smiling chatting with sam, and drinking beer, and still that awkward bastart he alwayas was, but, how does it become that twisted feeling, i mean c'mon man¡ he's an angel, fallen or not, and you'r a human, he deserves a beautiful woman, who take care of him, and have a family , maybe children, maybe...be happy, things i will never afford, and what does it mean, i was getting more deep feeling for that being, and not for the body he was inhabiting, that's impossible, me? dean winchester, having a thing for that man?¡...no, no, no...

i came out and took a beer to sit over the impala, at the other side of the "new humans" and sam... just to feel a soft hand over my shoulder...

-i'm sorry dean, i wasn't meaning what you understand, i just appreciate you the most, and is hard to believe there's just one life, now i'm going against the time, as all of you...-

a little smile slipped around the corner of his mout, he take two steps away and then went back to his sister, did i misunderstood everything? then why the stupid girl went to tell me all that crap?¡...

-ariel¡...a word¡?...-i walked into the woods and i heard no sound but her light feet behind me...

-what's wrong?...-

-why did you tell me all that, is it funny for you, you know that son of a bitch means a lot to me, and you just tell me i mean the same for him, but no¡, he told me is not like that, and i'll just ask you this once, stay the hell out of my business and my friendship with cas¡ get it?¡-

-so...you think i just put all of that memories in your head, how?, if i'm barely a human being?...i did nothing, all of that, is you,you'r memories, you'r soul, you'r feelings, grow up¡, and by once, tell to your brother he matter to you, that and maybe, maybe grow some pair and tell to my brother how important is him, because you know, been told he's worthless all his existence, has ended here, with you...

The pissed woman start walking out of the woods, but in a different direction this time, to the road, and i just stayed there in silence, with my damn toughts. Almost night and i went back to the room, outside there was castiel, without sam...

-where's ariel?...-castiel was searching over my shoulder...

-she's gone, we talked and she's gone...how are you?...

-fine... you?-still weird and awkward as always i just could smile an take a not that cold beer and give another to cas...-

-fine, just...i realized some things, and ...how long you'll be there...-

-she told you?...-

-kind of, i remember you, in hell....i mean the real you...-

A creepy silence installed in between of both, and i couldn't help but drink more and avoid to see his eyes, because i was denying to see that "now" castiel, i was holding tight that memory of the real cas...'till he talked.

-i remember you too...not you'r body, but you'r soul...how much it had changed, and still keep that....glow...-

-glow?...am i a friggin' shinning soul?¡ how's that?¡...-

-you were meant to be a demon by that time i took you out from hell, you'r soul was betrayed and corrupted, but even then, you were a good man...-

-but...how...this is my body man, this is who i am, this is...me¡ right?...-

-if "this" were all of you, then after dead you'll be done, and gone for ever, no memories, no heaven or hell, dean i thought you understood...-

-so you...you...saw my "true form"?...but...

-there's not much to understand dean, is just a physical appreciation of ourselves, what we can see, and recognize...-

i took the strength i was needing, i drink the last of my beer and looked at him, in the eyes, somethign in them still remind me that huge white shape...there was cas the same cas, i just could deny and hugged him never as tight and close, as in purgatory, i had found the angel, my angel again, but this time, the real one, and he was staying. i let him go, and he stared at me, for soo long, but didn't do a thing, so i took him fiercely by the shoulders and get closser to his face, he stared at me with a smile, but didn't do a damn thing so i let go...

-i did something wrong?....-

-you didn't do a damn thing castiel¡...you'r so hard to manege man, all this is so hard for me, and you don't help¡ damn it cas¡¡...


End file.
